Transforming Texan

Naming Dreams, Kinda of..

2011-06-22T23:27:00.004-05:00

I know I haven't written in awhile, but really I did not know it has been since February!! Where has the time gone?

Time did not get lost, I did.

I got lost in the land of "what ifs" and "should haves" and "to scared to".

Then my son missed 20 days of school, let's just all of March! Surgery, strep, and a virus all rolled into one..at least it seemed it all happened at the same time!

And before I knew it the school had ended and here I am, still lost, but climbing out of fear.

Such a small word, fear, but oh the mess it can cause.

I have this idea of what I think God is calling me to do, actually it is more than an idea and it has been confirmed more than once...it is what I am being called to do...but.. (yes another small word that causes darkness to settle)

Don't get me wrong, I haven't just been idle all this time stewing on the risks and the reality of being unequipped..I have stepped out...just really small steps! And now, well, now I know it is time to stretch and reach for the larger steps. The ones that make your brow fill with beads of sweat and have you question "why on earth did I just do this?" I am sure you know the kind I am talking about...risks..stepping out in faith, being obedient even when it doesn't make sense.

So many times, I have started to write only to close the computer and say.."no body wants to read your pity party, or how you constantly question what is the right thing to do.."

But today, I was re-reading Ann Voskamp's book and a light bulb went off! In the middle of chapter 3, she talks about naming things and writing them down...and in doing so gives them back to God who created it in the first place...giving thanks!

I should write, not because someone is reading it or not, but because in putting pen to paper (or fingers to key board) I am naming my God-given dreams and giving thanks even if they don't make sense at the moment. And in writing, you can "see"and it is no longer in the shadows, light can shine on it, whatever it is, and all things can begin to take shape in the light.

God has given me a dream, one with many parts, and I am starting small but I am stretching and reaching and praying. And as a pastor once said, "We can spend all our time on our knees praying, but if we don't get up and walk forward, we may never see the prayer answered!"

So, today, I am naming and giving thanks and walking forward...

Finding REAL love...

2011-02-02T17:53:00.002-06:00

This is a re-post, but it fits nicely with the Jam this week...at least I think so!

Team Jesus

Okay, so I will admit that I have read the Twilight series and am keeping up to date on the movie releases..however this is NOT about Twilight...it is about finding out someone has a CRUSH on you!!!

I am one of the girls who has always dreamed of "the man" who sweeps you off your feet, will fight to the death for you...you know exactly what I am talking about if you are a hopeless romantic too!! (The fact is I think all women are looking for this, even if they don't want to admit it!!)

The problem is that Hollywood has never failed at making us drool over some character to the point we think the actor playing the character is one in the same {insert any and all male actors who play a romantic hero} ...not only that but they start targeting us at such an early age, when we are just starting to fantasize about Mr. Right!!

I know... I fell young and hard to the lie that there was a man that could match all expectations, even if some of those expectations where as lofty as the clouds.

I came from a loving family. I KNEW that I was loved, that God loved me and I had a great Daddy who not only loved all of us kids, but adores my Mom! Still, by the time I was 16, I so wanted to BE loved...what I really wanted (hindsight is great by the way)was to be the object of some one's desire..what made them want to get up in the morning, to lay down their life for me...anyone know what I am talking about??

So at 18, I was naively honest with someone about my romantic self and I started in a relationship that was not the best for me...I soon got married and then divorced shortly after that...the WHOLE relationship lasted less than 6 years!!

The funny thing, I still wanted to find that person who could/would fit into MY vision!!

Do you remember the movie BRAVEHEART? Well, I was in the movies, with the person I was currently in a relationship with, and made the comment that I wanted the love and commitment that was displayed in that movie, (searching for and hoping for the answer I wanted...) he proceeds to say, in a "matter of fact" way, "you won't be getting that from me"...I left that movie totally crushed.

So another relationship ended and I was broken more this time than the first one in which I had actually been married!!

GOD is good! And HE sent me someone, who does not think the world revolves around me, but..loves me like no other. We have been married for over 13 years and are still acting like it is our honeymoon!

I throw that in there because the truth is I still have yearned for that "object of desire" feeling from someone about ME!! That was until Sunday...

So, my husband has been traveling..a lot, and I was in need of some time without kiddos, and the newest movie in the Twilight series has been out for two weeks...so I went all by myself to see it. All those thoughts of being that object of desire for someone surfaced again, but differently than as a naive teenager. I know now that expectations are sometimes lies told by the enemy to keep us from the great stuff God has in store for us; and I know that I am truly happily married, so what was with all the old desires surfacing???

Well, as I was driving home and hashing out my thoughts...God started playing HIS own love story in my mind...and guess what...I AM HIS OBJECT OF DESIRE!!! I almost had to pull the car over...

I am the reason Jesus was born and came to live among us
I am the reason Jesus died on the cross for sins of ALL mankind
I am the reason Jesus kicked some evil booty
I am the reason Jesus rose again on the third day
I am the reason Jesus WILL COME AGAIN!!!!

And the best part, YOU are HIS object of desire too!!!

I don't know where you are right now, today...but it has taken me all this time to 'get it' that God wants us so much more than we want him!!

And now that I have gotten that message loud and clear...I have the silliest grin on my face!!

GOD HAS A CRUSH ON ME!!!

Won't you let HIM have one on you too?

Click here to read more about finding that TRUE love!!

UPSIDE/DOWNSIDE

2011-01-13T11:51:00.003-06:00

Over the years I have learned that being surrounded by fellow 'walkers of the WAY', has been both a blessing and a struggle. (You noticed that I did not say 'Christians'...I strongly feel that label leaves lots to be desired...many claim to be, but their actions speak louder than their words...I am talking about people who REALLY believe what they believe and their lives SHOW it!)

Take for instance on Tuesday, like most of the United States, it was snowing...to make a long story short, on the way to school we hit a slick spot and did a 180 into a snow bank! That afternoon after all was fixed and done, I was looking for people to join me in my pity party...this is where the struggle comes in...

Every single person I spoke with that day quickly pointed out how we were blessed that day!! True, we were very blessed...no damage to the car, to us or to other cars...had the money to get 4 new tires...my daughter did NOT have a panic attack during or after the ordeal...handled it all with my husband out of town...my mother-in-law spent time with me that morning while I calmed down

BUT...I really wanted to break down and cry and complain that my husband was out of town, we have gotten more than our fair share of snow

(Minnesota, I know there is suppose to be snow...but not non stop!),
and I was far away from MY family!

My own Daddy was on the blessings band wagon too!!

Funny isn't it?? How we can always point out the blessings when we are walking in the LIGHT!

If I wasn't surrounded by this great group of people (my parents included), this little incident could have blown way out of proportion .... look at what the enemy would have loved to have happened...

I could have held a grudge against my husband for "having to travel" instead of being thankful for a job = a breaking down of my marriage

I could have spent the day playing the "what if" game and gotten too scared to drive in the snow again which is not practical considering where I live = anxiety and depression

I could have totally lost it instead of pointing out how well my children handled the situation = words that cause brokenness instead of love and growth

I could have refused to see my mother in law simply because she is not my mom = not allowing GOD to work in or use someone

The enemy wanted to have a hay day with me on Tuesday, but GOD had other plans!!

So even if it is annoying to have the blessings pointed out to you when all you want is a pity party, remember who is throwing the pity party!!

Walk in the LIGHT and in ALL THINGS give THANKS and PRAISE...we are!!

Expectations

2010-12-31T15:53:00.002-06:00

Well, if you have been reading my blog, you know that I fell short of the 40 days. Which in hindsight is okay, because "I" got in the way, again.

The Spirit cannot place HIS words here if I continue to make it about me. The closer it got to my sister's heaven day, the more I wanted/needed something inspiring for me!! So, when I sat down to write, nothing came...and then life happened..

My world came crashing down little by little and I lost sight of who is in control!

My youngest started weekly appointments and then medication was added.
The mission trip planned for the week between Christmas and New Year's was canceled, by my husband due to violence in the area.
The stress of a "traditional" Christmas looming...

I felt like every thing I was hoping for was being flushed away is one swoop of HIS hand. Which of course was far from the truth, as it usually is!!

My youngest is learning life lessons to carry her through adulthood and I am learning about myself as well. (and now finally getting much needed sleep!)

The airfare for the mission trip was used to fly to Texas for a surprise Thanksgiving with my family!!

And my husband and I truly are getting on the same page about changing our celebrations of Christmas, slow steps but steps together!

AND most importantly, I have learned that what we expect and having expectations are two very different things.

Expecting something, like going on the mission trip, I had already planned what would happen, how God would move and what my response would be...

On the other hand, simply expecting means that I am open to HIS leading and excited about how He MIGHT move and HOW He will grow me in the process!

Expectations should equal excitement, not disappointment.

It all goes back to having faith like a child....even if a child know what might happen during a certain event or planned trip, they are still excited even if things don't go as planned...they have no preconceived ideas or plans or wants. They live the moment and enjoy the ride!! AND their expectations are always met and exceeded!

So my goal this year, is to live expectantly, not expecting!

Here to all of HIS expectations for us being fulfilled!!

Happy New Year!

Storms, Scars, and Healing

2010-11-13T14:54:00.005-06:00

It is crazy snowing outside, but there is not a sound to be heard..

The peace in the storm.

Life is like that isn't it? Storms come in the quite and we are taken off guard. We wake and find that the world is not like it was when we went to bed. Even when you are aware of the approaching storm, you are still taken by surprise.

Then there are the storms that just refuse to go unnoticed and leave deep marks(scars) so that their destruction is never forgotten.

Sin is a storm raging wild, sometimes quietly and sometimes brazenly, always leaving scars.

Scars as a reminder not to travel that way again. Scars bearing witness for the forgiven to share the good news. Scars that paid the ransom for my life.

Jesus bore the sin of the world so that we may live. My scars are the reason HE has his. HIS scars have saved me!!

I get lost in the storm and forget the peace of HIM who has set me free. I allow the storm to overwrite the scars that will never be overwritten. I believe the lie that the storm will may not pass, and if it does pass, the damage will be to severe to begin again.

The snow helps me remember that HE washes all things white as snow!!

Watching the world come alive after the rain does the same thing!!

Are you in a storm right now? Look for the washing and believe!!

Cleaning Closets (not what you think)

2010-11-01T17:08:00.003-05:00

Clash of the Titans comes to mind..

A battle raging, hearts breaking and a feeling of losing control.

I revisit here.

A friend of mine described grief as a closet in the hallway, a closet you store lots of things in. Boxes upon boxes neatly and tightly packed in. Once in a while a box will fall out, sometimes two, and you put them back in with no problems. But then, there are those times when the door flies open and every last little item comes sprawling out. And each thing requires looking at and slowly storing it away again.

This is that time. Not as messy as in past years, but messy just the same.

It doesn't help that I am far away from family or that my little brother is moving to AFRICA for FOUR years or that because of finances I cannot hop on a plane and hug my parents when ever I want!!!

So, I have been having a pity party...they are lonely because no one else wants to come.

Jesus didn't have pity parties when he was so far from home.

Jesus didn't sit and wait when he couldn't just hop on a cloud and hug his Dad.

Jesus invited friends to walk with him.

Do you have a closet?

Don't sit alone, invite Jesus to sort with you and you may find that during the sorting you find joy in the most unusual places.

Halloween

2010-10-31T10:05:00.012-05:00

So, today is Halloween. This time of year was the last time I visited with my sister before she was placed in a coma due to multiple organ failure.

It is hard for me to be excited about Halloween for many reasons, the one above in particular.

Every year since, I have used Halloween as an outreach project...my sister would approve.

See she spent her "good" days during her hospital stay reaching out to those in other rooms who were alone and introducing them to Jesus.

I place Bible verses on the candy I hand out...sometimes I have attached tracs, and one year I had my kids hand thank you notes to every house they visited with a Bible verse inside! People are coming to the door anyway, why not send them home with a little hope!!

It is not much, and most probably get thrown away...but someone is reading them first...a sliver of light is breaking in the dark places. And the smallest of light can shatter the most sturdiest of walls!!

Have a safe Halloween and spread some LIGHT into the darkness!

In the midst of the storm...PEACE

2010-10-29T08:10:00.003-05:00

The first big storm system has come and gone. Leaving only a few signs of even being here, at least around me that is. Other places still have the reminders (10 inches of snow!).

The wind was strong and wild and non-stop. I kept thinking about the disciples in the boat and Jesus asleep. He was resting for the work on the "other side" of the lake. The disciples had just witnessed the feeding of 5000 men, but quickly came to the conclusion that this storm was their demise.

The storm is raging in my family. Nothing serious, just lots of little things that drain a person. Continuous things that take time to unravel and smooth out. Some days it seems the storm will be my demise, but that is just not the TRUTH.

PEACE, this word is what calmed the storm and the disciples. A word spoken that changed everything.

Peace is more than a feeling, it is a life style. It is not something that can be found, it has to be lived.

You become Peace. It is fruit of the Spirit that is alive and well in you. Peace becomes apart of your identity.

FLASH OF LIGHT

2010-10-18T21:40:00.004-05:00

I know I have not written in a while, dealing with family issues...I will try to catch up :)

(this post was actually written 10 days ago)

Have you ever wished you could just "shake" JESUS into someone??

This is how I have been feeling lately. Actually, it is just impatience and having to 'live' GOD'S timing and not my own!

We spent time at the cabin this past month. I was hoping for some "flash of light" experience as to what and when and how things are going to turn out for my husband and me...yes, you guessed it...no such thing.

I was just grouchy. Of course, while in this state, it seems to me that it is my husband who needs to be shaken. So things were not exactly relaxing. I was preachin' and he was being loving and patient with me in spite of myself.

Was still in a fightin' mood this morning...however I was looking for forgiveness and when that happens hearts soften...usually my own!

And wouldn't know it, GOD has something wonderful for me today!!!

A beautiful sunrise, time with my husband all day, and listening to his Mom share how the HOLY SPIRIT has taken residence within her!! A very "flash of light" experience!!!

Funny how if we can just take ourselves out of the way, GOD can do some pretty amazing things right around us!!

Decisions

2010-10-14T14:08:00.003-05:00

My heart has been so close to bursting the last few days. It teeters between joy and pain.

So much is going on, and yet, at the same time, GOD is so very present.

Have you been here? Struggling with decisions, hoping you are making the right ones, knowing someone is going to get hurt either way?

The past two years have been full of decisions like this, and there are still ones to be made. It has not been easy. Most don't understand. Some would rather not really know. It makes the decision making ever so lonely. {sigh}

I am tired. My husband is tired. My children are tired. But we push on, knowing that GOD has a plan. THE BEST is waiting for us. And we know we are walking in HIS word and HIS ways.

When you decided to follow CHRIST, it was not a one time decision. Jesus, himself, said you have to daily pick up your cross and follow me. (Luke 9:23) It is a daily decision. It is not an automatic like breathing, though there are days that it is, most days require choice...either to FULLY follow or not.

The world as made so many exceptions, that most of us are not really sure if we are FULLY following or not...it is a touchy subject. However, if you believe that the complete Bible is the TRUTH, the WORD of GOD, then you just have to look in the mirror and ask...Do I follow in the footsteps of CHRIST?

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30

Seasons

2010-10-12T22:12:00.006-05:00

Fall is my most favorite time of year.

I love the colors. I like watching the process of the change. Watching the sunlight just light a tree on fire.

Trees have always fascinated me. The bark, the leaves, the branches...I can stare at trees all day and not get bored! My mom would even tell me to go and hug a tree on a bad day...she knew me better than I knew myself at times.

There are so many references to trees and GOD in the Bible...I can't help but think that GOD really likes trees too!!

Last year was my first year to experience the "change of colors", and I was so taken by the process. This year, I am not so heavy of heart. I see blazing colors dancing in the sunlight. I see the wind dancing with the leaves. I see life transforming.

I suspect that as we grow in faith and life, the same seasons take on different meanings each year. I am no different than any of you. GOD writes HIS message throughout HIS creation. We just have to have our eyes open to see it, our ears ready to hear HIS voice, and our hearts open to receive HIS love.

Enjoy the passing of the torch, from abundant supply to the quite rest of winter. Renew your soul and let the wind take the old away.

It's all in a NAME

2010-10-10T08:54:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to share inspiration this Sunday morning!

Personality=Identity=Personality

2010-10-09T21:18:00.004-05:00

Okay then, my identity is with Christ, or is that in Christ or.. exactly, how does that work?

Good question!

I truly believe that it is all the above and more.

Identity is complicated. There are many facets and layers to all of us. If you were to ask a handful of your friends to use one word to describe you, you would get a handful of different answers.

But isn't that our personality you are talking about? Well, kinda, but your personality is just an expression of who you really are in your being. And your being is who you ARE, hence your identity is expressed through your personality. (Note: I am not an expert, these are just my thoughts!)

And, if you are a follower of Christ, it is HE that lives in us and we are to become like HIM.

Complicated, I know, but just hang in there...

When Christ is allowed in, He brings the Holy Spirit to take up permanent residence within us. The Holy Spirit has gifts and fruits to offer. We don't all get the same gifts (1 Corinthians 12), however we all are able to receive the same fruit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23

These fruits don't just all appear at once; they grow and mature just as we do in our faith.

As the gifts mature, we change. Our identity is becoming more and more like Christ.

This identity will survive all this world can throw at us. Such as going from a stay-at-home mom of toddlers to teenagers to an empty nest. Or, single to married to single again. Or, lucrative career to unemployed. All of these can SEEM to change who we are, but they are just circumstances, what might define a moment in our lives..not who we are!

The world views these things as identity markers...and more times than not we do too. And we lose sight of who we are, of who we are meant to be.

There has been many times when I so wanted someone to come along side me and just tell me who I am, what I am to be doing...I have felt so lost at times!!

One day I was finally still long enough to hear GOD say be and do love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

That is a big undertaking...so with GOD's help, I try.

Being robbed by doubt

2010-10-07T21:15:00.002-05:00

When I started this 40 day journey, I had no idea what or how or where GOD was leading me. I still really don't. However, there seems to be a pattern starting and I just know that it has GOD written all over it.

After my first post, a friend of mine sent me a message and said that it caught her eye because this year's focus in the group she teaches is on Preventing Identity Theft, Protecting who GOD meant for you to be. Then today over at Faith Barista, she is having a "jam" with the question, Can Faith Change your Personality? AND then Ann talks about having secrets, which cause hurt, pain and falling away. On top of ALL that, during bible study this morning, the focus was on John the Baptist and his sudden doubt of who he thought Jesus was and his own role in it, because now he was locked away and death was sure to come. (Luke 7:18-23)

When the same subject, though under different lenses, keeps getting repeated...you have to wonder...GOD is up to something and we might just need to stop and take notice.

This is not a new question or even a new problem. It starts in the garden with Eve and the serpent. Doubt was introduced and she questioned who she was and WHO GOD WAS in relation to her. Her identity was being held hostage by a stranger, an enemy, who only wants to cause death and destruction. Just for the record, this happens to men too, though they are less likely to talk about it.

So what do we do?

The problem is that we are caught of guard, just like Eve. We have a relationship with GOD and it is good. We are in small groups, bible studies, on-line blogs sharing our faith. Then something, or someone blind sides us and we fall, fall hard. This is the open door for doubt to come in and sit a spell.

For Eve is was a play on words...Did HE really say...surely HE did not say...

For John the Baptist it was a dark prison cell and he KNEW what he was put on this earth for...making a path for the ONE, and the ONE was there, but he was in jail, how was he to make a path???

DOUBT it is the enemy's "go to" snare especially for believers.

For me, it was my sister dying within 40 days of being diagnosed with cancer. See, GOD had spared her when she had been brutally attacked in her 20's. HE had spared her when she had been involved in a terrible car accident only a few years later. She was my parents first full term baby. SHE was the one who asked hard questions of the pastors at church. SHE was the one who always pointed me in the right direction. SHE was the one ministering in the very hospital halls while she was having treatments, giving hope to those without it. THIS, this can't be happening to HER, not when HE had saved HER so many times!!

I knew what GOD could do, I wondered why HE wasn't.

I knew that heaven is the ultimate healing, I wondered if I really believed.

I knew that GOD knows, I wondered does HE really?

GOD asked me to TRUST HIM and I said yes that I would, but I had already opened the door to DOUBT.

It has taken time, but I know that I know, I fully TRUST GOD with everything. My head knowledge has become my heart knowledge. Does that mean I don't doubt? No. Life is hard. However, doubt does not take hold...it is a human response to life in a fallen world. But now, it is also an invitation to prayer.

When doubt comes, I know to draw closer to GOD because the enemy wants just the opposite.

In Luke, Jesus knew that John the Baptist had the head knowledge, the doubt came from his heart because he was in dire straits. Jesus did not rebuke him, but assured him of his knowledge.

The only way to receive that assurance is too seek it. John the Baptist sent messengers to Jesus asking, Are you the one, or should we expect someone else? We have to actively seek the TRUTH in worship, prayer and study. TRUTH is the only way to keep out doubt!

Our identities are at risk of being taken from us through doubt of who we are in CHRIST!! KNOW HIM and KNOW who you are!!

Awakened but still lost

2010-10-06T07:47:00.002-05:00

With the awakening came guilt. How much have I missed? Did everyone else know I was emotionally unconscious? Have I left scars in my children by not being present?

The enemy went to work right away! Luckily, so did GOD!

GOD had not taken me out of every part of ministry, I was still in a women's group at church. My saving grace. I was able to be honest here about my awakening. No condemnation, no guilt, just encouragement. I think I apologized to my table for a year, for I was the table leader...thankfully the HOLY SPIRIT was always present and did the leading!! (Thank you Vicky and Karyn for being faithful to the calling of forming Mom's and Mosaics!)

That winter I started a Beth Moore study on Daniel. I have done other studies before, but this time I could not get enough! I even took it on vacation to Hawaii...downloaded video, had it at the pool...my oldest daughter even noticed how I just could not put it down! Something inside me became ALIVE and the WORD BECAME ALIVE in a new and powerful way!

From there GOD had me in two years of Spiritual Transformation classes, getting back to basics as it were. But this was a much deeper level, more profound. I participated in silent retreats, reading Foster, Nouwen and others, learning how to become the BELOVED.

The foundation of my true identity was being reinforced. I was learning who GOD created me to be. I was learning that HE alone held the key to who I am, who I was, and who I am to become.

Life became blurred

2010-10-05T08:20:00.006-05:00

Just like the windows in winter, my life became frosted over and blurry.

A numbness settled in.

I was still claiming the Good News, don't get me wrong, but I lost a very large piece of who I was. I no longer knew myself, for I had so entwined who I was with who my sister was. My identity was shaken down to its very core. I was blurred.

The best way to describe it is to say that I went into a emotional deep sleep. I went through the motions of everyday living without really being present. Do you find yourself there at times?

St. John of the Cross describes it in the Dark Night of the Soul. A time when GOD seems distant. A time when you feel much loss and pain. A time when the old ways don't fit you anymore and your not sure of the new path you are walking down.

So, I went to sleep. Really, I slept in the literal sense and the not so literal sense.

I wish I could tell you that something so profound happened to me and I transformed into this amazing creature, but no, nothing like that happened.

I do remember though, the day I woke up! September 15, 2006 How do I remember that day you might ask, I wrote it down!! : )

See, that summer I had several nieces have birthdays, one being my sister's daughter, and I was totally taken back when they told me their age....two full years had passed and I was unaware of the time passing. Does that make sense??

I was shopping in a Christian book store and came across a HOT PINK bible and just knew I had to have it...I went home and wrote the date in it and the words.."Coming out of my slumber!"

GOD even gave me a bible verse..."Wake up sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you" Ephesians 5:14

It was from this day forward that I have become my own person in Christ. I am more alive today and sure of who I am (in Christ) than all my days before! However, it did not happen over night...and I am still coming out of my slumber.

There is ALWAYS a choice

2010-10-04T18:14:00.003-05:00

I would love to say, that when my sister passed away, a hallelujah chorus came streaming from my lips because of her triumphant entrance into the heaven realms. But that would be a lie.

The truth is, I didn't want to leave the church because that would mean it was real and I really didn't want it to be real. Nobody ever does.

I think that is a struggle for some in the Christian faith. The teachings of everlasting life (eternal life) gets confused with life everlasting (immortal life). We really want life everlasting, that way no one has to say good-bye. That is not what is promised though. Everlasting life is so much bigger and better than the here and now...it is just hard to get to that understanding in the midst of losing someone.

It takes time to get from Good Friday to Easter Sunday.

However, some people don't get past the incredible disappointment of Holy Thursday (Maundy Thursday). They stay angry at GOD for allowing such tragedy to happen and they leave HIS side and the healing is not allowed to take place.

This is the choice. One I had to demonstrate immediately to my husband's family after my sister died.

My wonderful husband took me away to our cabin in Minnesota days after the funeral. The quite of the woods in winter was a healing balm.

My husband lost his Dad in 1993 and his Mom was still angry. Even though my wounds were still so fresh, I knew GOD was asking me to show them (her) there was another way to respond to loss.

You see, we have an advantage over the disciples...we know all about Easter Sunday and we can claim that immediately!! So, I did that week. I never let any regret leave my mouth, only praise!! Was it easy? No. Did it help? Yes, and it helped me too!! Nothing like praise to take the sting out of death!

Claim the good news of Christ crucified, died and buried, and who rose again to everlasting life!! The victory is ours, claim it today and everyday!!

A Glimse of Heaven

2010-10-03T08:02:00.003-05:00

November 19, 2003

It started out as a regular day I suppose.

I was back at home, Mom had sent us all back to our own families. It was going on week 2 since my sister had gone into a coma. There was no progress and decisions were not coming easy. Do they ever?

All four children were at school. The husband was at work. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful November day.

I remember driving to my counseling appointment and suddenly "seeing" my sister dressed in white, standing in the throne room of heaven and petitioning on my behalf!! The vision disappeared as quickly as it had come. Strange. But I had this overwhelming peace and joy that the counselor picked up on right away.

It really was a blessing to have a Christian counselor. I was able to explain the drive over and she understood, God works in mysterious ways!!

My day continued as usual. Picked up the children from school, laundry, cleaning and so forth. And then my husband came home early, very early...I was still floating on my cloud from the vision earlier...and then he just put his arms around me and my world, well my world became blurry.

I found out later that my sister had taken her last breath about the time I had "seen" her in heaven. You can believe me or not, however there are much stranger things listed as fact in the bible!! I believe God knows what we need.

So November 19 is my sister's heaven day!

I still can remember the scene from that day, but what always intrigues me is the prayer she was saying..."Don't give up on her, she will get it"...this is first time I have shared those words with anyone.

As you can imagine the enemy has tried very hard to use those words against me; make me doubt my salvation, my identity in Christ, and all other doubts we have about ourselves. And if I am being honest, I have fallen for a lie or two. GOD is faithful and the TRUTH has always outed the lie and I am getting it!!

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of GOD. Ephesians 3:17-19

Paying attention to the HOLY SPIRIT

2010-10-02T11:53:00.002-05:00

Have you ever experienced the HOLY SPIRIT pressing you do something?

This happens more often than we realize, however, there have only been a few times in my life when it was so palpable that I had no choice but to act.

It happened 2 times during that 40 day period with my sister in the hospital.

The first time was mid October, I wanted to go and visit her, I needed to go and visit her. As I was praying about the timing, Oct 31 kept coming up...literally I heard "You have to go by Oct 31" in my heart!

Not a big deal I thought, I can make that happen. However, my husband was not so sure about it. At the time we had 2 toddlers and Halloween was still being celebrated in our home. He kept saying, "but you will miss them all dressed up!" Actually, I didn't because they had a pre-school party early in that week.

It got down to me telling my husband that GOD has said I NEED to go that weekend, and I was going to buy a ticket, without researching the cost, and he was just gonna have to pay for it if he did not go right then and make arrangements for me. (My husband finds the best deals on the internet for all our travels...he is really good at!) I had my ticket within an hour :)

My visit was strained, Julia had gone through one round of chemo, sinus surgery and was finishing her second round. Her feet were black and purple, signs of no circulation. She had burns on her hands from the chemo, no hair...but when I looked in her eyes...a calmness come over me that brought me to tears. She was still there, my sister, and still full of joy!

She went into a coma and had multiple organ failure within 48 hours of me leaving and going back home.

The other was during the week of waiting. Julia was on life support and tough decisions had to be made, but only her husband could make them.

While seeing her in ICU and watching my parents having to come to terms with losing another child, this would be number 4. I left the room and just faced a white wall, couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't speak. Then I heard the words, "You either trust ME or you don't, but you have to decide now"

Have you encountered GOD like that?? When you are at the end of the rope, end of the money, end of anything and GOD asks DO YOU TRUST ME?

I heard a question asked in the series THE TRUTH PROJECT and it went like this: Do you REALLY believe what you believe? This is what GOD was asking me, do you REALLY TRUST ME, DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE?

Isaiah 46:3-4

³ "Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all you who remain of the house of Israel,
you whom I have upheld since you were conceived,
and have carried since your birth.

⁴ Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

I said YES, and my life has never be the same.

It's not about me, really?

2010-10-01T20:21:00.002-05:00

The very first sentence of the book read, IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

I shut the book and exclaim to no one in particular, I am not ready for this yet.

This was in June 2003, luckily I did reopen the book and begin reading. GOD was laying the ground work for a very rough journey.

As I said yesterday, my sister was diagnosed and gone within 40 days! However, the correlation did not come quickly, nothing comes quickly when you are in a state of shock...time stands still.

Have you ever witnessed an accident or your child tumbling just out of hands reach? Suddenly you are living in real.life.slow. motion. Time stands still and you can not do anything about it.

So I don't remember much of the first week, just updates and my mom going to be with my sister. And I am not sure when, but I called or she called, and it was hard. She was just chatting away and then said, "can you believe I have cancer? I have cancer."

I could not speak, the water was falling faster and faster, and I had no voice, no words of encouragement, nothing.

I was thinking about myself and how much pain this was causing me, and not really what she must be going through. Actually, it was more guilt than anything. Six months earlier I had had a breast cancer scare, but it turned out to be a rare side effect from the hormones I was taking...so I had escaped, but she hadn't...my pain was guilt...why her and not me?

I still think about that phone call and so wish I had had words for her. And yet, still nothing. Maybe that is the point...quietness is sometimes louder than any spoken word. Listening is so much more powerful than talking...she was so good with both and I, well, I still wish....something anything...

That sentence still speaks volumes to me when I am at my wits end...IT IS NOT ABOUT ME...the words echo in my mind and my heart and I remember WHO it really is about. Life is not fair and bad things do happen to good people. GOD however is still GOD and still good!

My sister knew this. She did not feel sorry for herself. The phone call ended with her telling me that she would do it all over again because the blessings she was witnessing were worth it!!

In my times of hardship I try and look for the many blessings; they are there and they have been promised.

Matthew 5

The Beatitudes

¹Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ²and he began to teach them saying:
³"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
⁵Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
⁶Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
⁷Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
⁸Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
⁹Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
¹⁰Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹²Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Finding Purpose

2010-09-30T21:22:00.004-05:00

God is up to something. Not really sure what that is, but HE is up to something.

Seven years ago my sister was diagnosed with Leukemia, and 40 days later she was gone.

With her, my identity, at least what I thought to be my identity, was also gone.

So for the next 40 days, God has asked me to write, each day, about who I have become, who HE is shaping me into. And if you have ever read anything here, you know that writing EVERY day is NOT my strong suit!! So, please understand if it is not at the exact time each day :)

I will start at the beginning...

It was sometime in August that I remember talking with my sister and she said she was fighting a sinus infection..for some reason I called my mom and said these words, "Julia is sick". How little did I know how sick she really was. It was also around this time that God was pulling me out of most of the work I was doing at our church, specifically children's ministry...I was kinda of freaking out...this had been my life for years, I talking years!! My girlfriends even asked if I had stopped taking my anti depressants...funny now, but I was freaking out and they had to ask, but no, I was still taking them!!

School started, and life got busy and then the phone call came...Julia went to the ER and they are starting chemo THIS afternoon, she has cancer, Leukemia...

WHAT???

And my world stopped, right then and there...all I could think about was GOD KNEW, GOD KNEW...that is why HE was moving me out of so much stuff...I stopped and HE KNEW I would.

It has been seven years, and it is like it was today...sometimes I still just stop.

Currently, I am fighting a cold, same time for the past six years, our bodies remember hard stops. But I am aware of it now and the colds don't last as long as they used to...I focus on JOY more than pain, and remember what GOD has done with me and what HE is still doing.

HE has been showing me my purpose, and refining me for HIS work and I think that after these next 40 days, HE will reveal a new path or an old one that will have better focus.

Please join me as I discover my purpose and heal a little more along the way...

To read a little more visit my post called In Remembrance .

Winds are blowing

2010-09-09T22:22:00.005-05:00

(This was written a few weeks ago, however, the publish button was not pushed...distracted yet again!)

There is something in the air.

The winds are from the north now, and the leaves are starting to turn.

The Canadians are arriving in large groups. Making preparations for the journey further south.

The summer seemed to disappear rather quickly this time, almost without notice and it was gone.

Funny how that works. When we are living yet are not fully present, life seems to disappear without warning. So I have been trying to relive moments that I was fully present for and have been surprised with how much life I did not live this summer.

Moving has a way of taking you out of living in the moment. Waiting on doctor reports do too.

I spent my moments worrying and waiting, not living in the LIFE that is meant for me to live.

I am still in the old testament (that place is full to overflowing with real food from heaven) learning how God so wanted us to live in constant worship, constant companionship with HIM and how HE made it so easy for us, if only we, me, would just listen!!

Unpacked and still Trusting

2010-08-28T15:23:00.005-05:00

So most of the boxes have been unpacked and what is not will remain that way!! Thanking God for unfinished basements!!

We have successfully moved all of Bob's office here to Minnesota, and that is a project that will be started next week...hopefully I will not fall into a filing cabinet drawer!! (Trust me I have fallen into much stranger things.)

God is still doing a mighty work here and we are trusting more and more everyday in HIS divine timing, though I will admit that I don't always agree with it or understand it...but that is the trick about trusting, you trust even when you don't understand!

Here are some photos of the "finished project" of moving....

Thanks again for all your prayers, I could not stand, much less walk with out God's grace and support from my friends!!

A Guided Life

2010-07-26T08:55:00.003-05:00

"I am your Lord. Lord of your lives, Controller of your days, your present and your future. Leave all plans to ME. Only act as I bid you. You have entered now, both of you, upon the God-guided life. Think what that means. God-taught, God-guided. Is anything too wonderful for such a life? Do you begin to see how wonderful life with Me can be? Do you see that no evil can befall you?" --God Calling

Still in the midst of packing, but receiving encouragement in the most wonderful of ways!!

Blessings to you all!

Pictures of a recent sunset here...

Seeking Peace

2010-07-14T17:56:00.006-05:00

Well for starters we have great news...Mary, my mother-in-law has been told that she is in REMISSION!!!!! Shouts of joy!! She finished all 6 rounds of chemo, surgery (twice) and an infection during the last 7 months...it has been a long hard road, but God has been faithful and souls have been changed!! She will not need to have blood work done now for three months and then six months and so on...

My father's health issue is clearing itself up nicely as well...all tests came back negative and no further testing was required! More shouts of joy!!

Which leads me to my journey here in Minnesota and my year of ACTION...

As I posted earlier, we are moving again in August. We found a house to lease last week and will be moving in three weeks time. I am going to become quite busy and wanted to put down in words what God has been showing me...

Seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Jeremiah 29:7

I know most of you will catch the last part and wonder if I feel like I am in exile...let me assure that is not the case, a little lost at times but not in exile.. : )

God did however carry us here and to the house we are moving to...He mostly wants me to seek peace here while He is refining us....

This is what I am struggling with...I long for what was, the past, my Egypt so to speak..

Just like the Israelites wandering in the desert...all of sudden Egypt didn't seem so bad..it was more "comfortable", more familiar...even if they were slaves!

And that is what my husband and I had become, slaves to a world view...and let me tell you it is not fun, but learning the TRUTH is not easy either...however there is so much more promise in the TRUTH then there is in the world.

So I am learning to seek peace and prosperity in this land...and it is not the world view of peace and prosperity!!

Peace comes in the form of laughter, sunsets, sunrises and good doctor reports. Prosperity is seen in birthday celebrations, sitting down for dinner, and seeing God's provision in all things!!

With each stop in the 40yr travels of the Israelites, a lesson was taught and a test given..So many lessons have been learned and I believe the testing has begun...so stay tune, God has amazing things planned for us!!

Team Jesus

2010-07-13T15:02:00.005-05:00

It has been a year!

2010-06-26T11:03:00.009-05:00

Well, the year mark has past.

Officially it has been a year since we moved, however the move is not complete, there are still loose ends to tie up and offices to close...it takes a while to move a life.

And with this year mark, we have another move to make, another parent with health problems, and more opportunity to praise GOD!!

First, the move thing...when we moved last year we were renting to buy, because the house in Texas had not sold yet..still is not sold, still cannot buy and therefore another move! But the lessons that we have learned!!

1. The ideal location and perfect house are not always what is best in the long run..

2. What the world views as success is usually a trap set by the enemy and causes more stress than what one person can handle!!

3. So many lies have been revealed and the LIGHT is shining so brightly!!

4. When the sands move it is good to be standing on a ROCK!!

I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of . I will carry you and save you!! --GOD.. Isaiah 46:4

So, we are looking for a different house to rent and will be moving in August..at least I am in Minnesota and not Texas for an August move...praise and thanksgiving all around!!

As for our parents, my mother-in-law has completed six rounds of chemo and will start maintenance treatments in July. Thank you all for your continued prayers for healing, she still has a long road ahead of her.

My own parents have had their share of health issues this year as well. My mom broke her wrist while waiting for my dad to have tests done...what a pair!! Anyway, my dad now has fluid in his lung cavity, not in his lungs, and we are awaiting those test results...

The kiddos are doing well, they are attending a small christian school, which means that even though we are moving again, they will not have to change schools...again, praise and thanksgiving all around!!!

All in all it has been a good year..a lot of growing, praying, trusting, waiting...but isn't that just your everyday ordinary life!!!

Finding GOD'S fingerprints is the key to finding joy in the midst of a storm!

May you find lots of fingerprints in your own journey!!

Graduation

2010-05-26T07:06:00.006-05:00

Graduation is 1 : a mark on an instrument or vessel indicating degrees or quantity; also : these marks
2 a : the award or acceptance of an academic degree or diploma b : commencement
3 : arrangement in degrees or ranks

I like the first definition the best...a mark, a hard stop in one's life, indicating the quantity of life lived so far.

Graduation is not only for the child, but for the parents as well. Both receive marks from the journey. One might say the marks are actually scars. Scars tell a story of triumph, so either way is fine with me.

My oldest daughter graduated from high school this past week. My nephew graduated last night. Both of these wonderful young adults bare many marks.

My daughter has dealt with dual homes since she was three years old, getting the best of both her Mom and Dad (my husband)...she has overcome adversity with forgetting homework at one place or the other, missing uniform pieces, and other various things which all comes with trying to live in two places at once! She has overcome learning challenges, social challenges and the challenges of adding new members to the family, especially babies!

Just when I thought the world would get the best of her, God surprised me with all HE had planned for her...the successes, the graces, and the mercies! She has become more than I ever imagined her to be!! I cannot wait to see what the future holds for her as she leaves to begin a new chapter in her life!

My nephew has had more than his fair share of challenges as well. At the young age of 9, he was diagnoised with Type 1 Diabetes! Just when he was getting the hang of that, at age 12 he lost his mother (my sister) to cancer. He has been fighting to survive ever since. I am so proud to say that he graduated high school and will be going to college in the fall!! It has been rough for him, but again, God has plans for him that we do not know and sometimes cannot see!!

Being the one on the sidelines of both of these lives has taught me about prayer, trust, surrender and grace. Without them, I would not be the person I am today!!

You two have blessed in ways that I never thought possible! You have stretch me and strengthened me at the same time. God has used you both to refine me!! Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your lives!

For My Mom

2010-05-08T09:31:00.006-05:00

My Mom is one of four girls, an identical twin, and a mother to nine children. She is also a wife, teacher and an artist. But mostly she is my best friend.

She has taught me how to cry, how to stand strong, how to cook, sew, and soak in all creation.

She is a living example to me on how to have a real, gut check, kind of relationship with GOD, JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT! She knows GRACE first hand.

Four of the nine children have already gone HOME, three of these I never had the chance to meet, but I know them through my Mom, she carries all of us with her everyday.

The lessons l have learned from my mother are too numerous to count. The words spoken through her are life changing and life giving. No, she was not always perfect, but she knew GRACE and she taught GRACE and she lives GRACE.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 1Corinthians 15:10

Thank you Mom, for teaching me GRACE and how to be a momma!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

All my love, Jean

The Last Leg

2010-04-17T10:49:00.009-05:00

The last drop from my filled cup is gone, yet not forgotten.

Funny how we painfully savor some things and others we cannot seem to devour fast enough.

That is how my last month has been. Painful and joyous and at moments almost unreal. Even now as I sit and try to write, tears are trying to fill my eyes and spill out. It has been rough and long and I am tired.

Bob's mom made it through surgery with flying colors and has started the last leg of chemo treatments. We have been informed that this leg will be harder, more intense, and at the end, she should be on her way to remission!! We just have to finish this last leg....and it is proving to be harder and more intense...prayers would be appreciated!!

At the same time, my husband and I feel like we are on that last leg too! Still have not sold the house in Texas or the cabin, and have had to make the decision to move again as we are not able to buy the current home we have been renting.

Right now I would like to give praise to all those women in the military who move for living!!! My hat goes off to you!

Why is it the last leg of any race or adventure is always the hardest, yet will be the most rewarding?? I remember doing a half-marathon with TEAM IN TRAINING with my sisters in honor of our oldest sister. The last two miles were brutal!! I am an asthmatic and my lungs were not happy at mile 11, however I refused to use my inhaler because all I could think about was the last week of my sister's life and how she fought so hard.... I could fight too! My sister, Janice, understood. She stayed right next to me with inhaler in hand, cheering me on and as my foot crossed the finish line put the inhaler in by mouth...I will never forget that!! Finishing that race is one of the highlights of my life!! (My little sister, Jennifer, finished before me, however we later learned that she had broke the top of her foot during the race because her shoes were tied to tight!)

The ending is where my focus is, not fighting through the pain...because the most rewarding part is still yet to come!

The truth is that the MOST REWARDING is yet to come!! Heaven awaits!!

But for now, the most wonderful shades of green are helping me to push forward and finish. Life is awakening again and the banner is waving in the distance...marking the finish line!!

I pray that were ever life has you on this journey, you take a moment and breathe, look around and watch for the signs of the ONE who is cheering you on to the finish line!! You might just be surprised at how loud HE is cheering!!

Cup of Joy Refilled

2010-03-07T20:39:00.003-06:00

What a wonderful weekend I have had!

I spent the weekend on a women's retreat and received a filling up of my joy cup!!

For most of the time here, I have been searching for fellowship with new journeymen (women) on my spiritual walk. I was so blessed at our church in Texas and so wanting and needing the same blessing here. I knew God had a plan for me, but I was growing weary and needed assurance...

Well, I now have a cup overflowing....AMEN!!!

God is so faithful and I just have had 48 hours of confirmation...really, it does not get any clearer than this!

So to all my new journeymen(women), I am so blessed to have met you and look forward to taking long walks in the garden with you!

Thank you Lord, for your mercies are great!

Building of a Temple

2010-02-26T14:09:00.007-06:00

In the building of the temple, only blocks dressed at the quarry were used, and NO HAMMER, CHISEL OR ANY OTHER IRON TOOL WAS HEARD at the temple site while it was being built. 1Kings 6:7

Have you ever been to a construction site? The noise is almost unbearable!! So think about this verse for a moment.

It took seven years to build the temple, and there was not a sound of hammer, chisel or other iron tool at the building site!!

This astounds me.

During this Season of Lent, when we are focusing on the magnitude of the CROSS, I am struck by this quietness. This absence of modern day tools. This great reverence for the MOST HOLY PLACE, that begins at the moment of construction.

And this quietness begs the question, if I am a temple for the MOST HOLY, am I allowing too much noise at the construction site?

The answer would have to be yes. The noise of jackhammers, saws, chisels and the like have taken residence in my being. Television, cell phones, computers, worry and fret have made themselves at home causing confusion, exhaustion and doubt. All stealing the quietness and the calmness of rebuilding the temple. We live in a society of here and now, whatever will make the process quicker is what we are after. This of course is what the enemy has wanted all along, because with the modern day tools we drown out the STILL SMALL VOICE that is trying to give direction and speak LOVE.

Please don't miss understand me, these things are great tools when used in the correct places, at the quarry!!

Even Jesus went to the quiet places, leaving the crowds and the noise behind to commune with the FATHER.

Us getting away from the "quarry" for awhile.

We need more time away from the quarry and more time building in the quiet reverence of the MOST HOLY PLACE. I am still in awe of this verse...NO SOUND OF TOOLS at a construction site!! GOD works this way, in the silence, building HIS temple in us.

May you spend your weekend enjoying the silence at the construction site!

Stumbling on the Path

2010-02-22T17:18:00.004-06:00

Well, it did not take long...I have already stumbled.

I have this bucket with all my "rocks" in it, and this weekend some of them started to fall out. One right after the next. I was successful, for a while, at picking them up and putting them back in. However by Sunday afternoon, I found myself sitting on the side of the road, in the dirt, crying over these "rocks" that would just not stay in the bucket.

A glimpse of beauty within all the "rocks"!

I really wasn't in the dirt, or on the side of the road, and I am not talking about real rocks.

What I am talking about is lack of faith. Trying to be in control. Not trusting in the ONE who knows how best to carry "rocks".

My husband's mom, Mary, lost her sister-in-law on Saturday and on Sunday, Mary was having unexpected surgery for a strangulated intestine...these were my rocks!!

So, when I say I was in the dirt on the side of the road...I was in despair and forgetting WHO really was in control the whole time!

Mary made it through surgery just fine, and will be given a "day pass" to attend the funeral later in the week.

I learned how to lean in better, and give over the "rocks" that I thought needed carrying.

Don't you have a bucket too??

The CROSS is where all buckets were emptied, once and for all. There really is no need to carry them around anymore, unless you are picking wild flowers....The power of the CROSS turns our "rocks" into wildflowers!!

So, I continue my WALK in FREEDOM with a few less rocks and a couple of wild flowers, hopefully by EASTER I will have a full bouquet!

Redemption

2010-02-15T15:46:00.008-06:00

The Season of Lent is upon us.
A time to reflect on sins committed and ones that were committed against us. A time to reflect on the ACTION that was taken to take it all away!

A Redeemer will come to Zion, to those in Jacob who repent of their sins.
Isaiah 59:20

I walk in freedom today, not because of something I have done, but because of something I was/am willing to receive....FORGIVENESS!

My daughter dancing in FREEDOM!

I, as a mom, am constantly telling my children to apologize and forgive each other, but how many times do I actually do this for myself? Not near as much as I instruct them too!!

The enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy! The enemy wants you to remember your short comings, failings and other sinful nature...God on the other hand has sent HIS son and HE has paid the price for us! Do you grasp that?? I sometimes don't either, however we should really think long and hard on this...hence the Season of Lent!

I heard something today and am still trying to wrap my mind around it..."When God looks at us, HE sees us as white as snow, because we are made clean by the blood of Christ!"

Think about this.

When we look in the mirror what do we see? Do we see the glory of the MOST HIGH reflected back? I know I don't, however I should if I truly believe that I have been saved by the BLOOD OF CHRIST!

That is exactly what the enemy wants us to not understand and receive!! THE GIFT OF EVERLASTING LIFE THROUGH CHRIST JESUS, NAILED ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS, WASHED BY HIS BLOOD, MADE HOLY BEFORE GOD!

We live in a fallen world, and we all have human sinful nature, and we all fall short of righteousness.

There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by HIS grace through the REDEMPTION that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of HIS BLOOD-to be received by faith.
Romans 3:22-25

My challenge this Lenten season is WALK in this gift of SAVING GRACE, to accept the forgiveness and the NEW LIFE that Jesus so selflessly given me, to re-CLAIM my freedom and stand firm against the enemy!! Won't you join me?

I Fell

2010-02-02T16:11:00.004-06:00

Two weeks ago I fell. I fell hard.

Temperatures rose to a balmy 37*, the rain fell gently down, the snow slowly melted and then as surely as the temperatures rose, they began to drop.

What had been water cascading down the asphalt driveway was now a crystalline black sheet of ice. This is when the fall occurred. When night and morning are blurred together. One day has ended, the next just beginning.

I was called to "rescue" my daughter from a sleep-over that had turned to homesickness; my husband, still on travel and landing at the airport; my son, sleeping and dreaming of new adventures. I pull on my coat and grab my keys and proceed to rescue my precious little one from the dark night.

I should have surrendered when my truck refused to climb the incline of the drive and instead chose to slide sideways back towards the garage, but my daughter needed me. Not once, but several times my truck refused my direct command to retrieve my precious little one. I was on a mission and failure was not an option. So, I get out of the truck and investigate the reason for the refusal, knowing good and well what the problem was, but not really wanting to admit defeat.

I am able to climb the incline, why shouldn't the truck be able too...and then it happened. I was standing in all my "in-control" self and then I wasn't. Though I should not have been, I was in total surprise of where I found myself...cold, wet, and hurt, really hurt. All I could think about was " Please, God, let me get to my daughter, she needs me."

I was not going anywhere. She was brought to me, safe and sound.

I had a lesson to learn and it has taken two weeks to fully receive it.

When we (I) fall from GRACE, it sometimes catches us by surprise even though we have seen it coming and refuse to take another route.

My fall has left me with back pain, no bruise, but pain that will take some time to heal. The bruise will come later, the hurt is deep.

Sin is that way. The hurt goes deep, the pain has caused scarring and sometimes we are unaware of the bruising until the shades of our sin become visible through the eyes of TRUTH.

The healing does come. The hurt is healed all the way through to the marrow, the root of the sin is no more. GRACE has been renewed.

I still have a way to go before my back is the same, however because of my fall, I was able to warn my husband of the ice, I was able to be humbled into letting go and allowing someone else to rescue my precious little daughter, and I have been blessed by the SPIRIT.

Now when my back catches, I am reminded of slowing down and listening to the still small voice that is leading the way, the way of the righteous, not of the in-control!!

The Small Voice in the Storm

2010-01-21T15:57:00.005-06:00

Cloudy with a chance of wintry mix...rain/sleet/snow.

These are the days to curl up and read, write or watch a great movie..but they also represent the perfect scenario for the enemy to come and lay claim in your mind.

During this season of clouds and freezing rain, the roads turn icy in a moments notice, you have to be on guard. We should be the same in our faith walk..let me try and explain what I mean.

The enemy slips in unnoticed, with just a wondering thought, then that thought demands more attention and we give it, usually without a second thought as to what lie we are actually being told. Then, without much warning that small wondering thought has actually become a stronghold and we label IT as who we are, how we are, it is automatic, part of us...

Unlike the weather, this does not happen instantly, but over time. The enemy starts young..I am watching the battle begin in my own daughter and am trying to call what IT is at the start so that IT does not make permanent residents in her mind!

I speak as a solider who has fought those battles and still does. IT is the lies of the enemy. Lies that tell us we are unworthy, worthless, ugly, unsuccessful, and the list goes on...

When our season of life has turned cloudy and rainy, the lies seem to be louder and stronger and become more deadly. DO NOT give in to the lies (I am repeating that to myself)! Why is that do you think? Why when things are not so sunny and happy it is so much easier to fall for the lies? Has GOD changed?

The answer is no, GOD has not changed, we have just forgotten.

We have forgotten that HE has rescued us, died for us, and has set us free! We have forgotten the love HE has for us. We have simply forgotten to be still and know WHO has created us.

GOD is in the clouds, the wind, and the rain (frozen or not) speaking in a still small voice....quiet your (mine too) hearts and minds and listen to the TRUTH, for that TRUTH will set you free!

Discipline or Attack

2010-01-17T20:43:00.004-06:00

Have you ever wondered if you were under attack from the enemy?

Have you ever felt the correcting hand of God?

How do you know the difference between the two?

The path that HE has me on is one that resembles the previous questions! The problem is knowing when the correcting ends and an attack has begun...

Simply put, the enemy knows all to well my bad habits and that God wants to rid me of them...so, the enemy sets snares to catch me...and of course I trip and start to second guess the path.

The Israelites had the same problem. What should have been an eleven day journey took forty years, why? Because they simply could not follow directions. God laid out the rules and the enemy went right to work at shifting the perspective of the people. The enemy planted seeds of fear, pride, and want and let the people do the rest of the work for him...

Are we not the same today?? I know that I am. The rules have not changed, the seeds of fear, pride and want are not new either...and yet we still fall for them all the time.

Our perspective changes and we see correction as an attack and assume that we will be set free from the trial...however, the trial is there to refine us, renew us, and reshape us into the being we are meant to be; we miss the lesson and the trial continues and the enemy smiles and confusion sets in again...

The good news, God never leaves us the way we were...and slowly we start to get the picture!! I am just praying that it is not a forty year journey...one year will do thank you, okay maybe I need one or two more lessons... {faint smile}!

Here is to being quick learners!! God bless each one of you on your own journey in the desert!

Winter's Light....A Challenge

2010-01-16T08:37:00.000-06:00

Over at (in)Courage, they gave an artistic challenge...so here is my attempt at being artistically challenged {smile}

Winter's Light

darkness comes early
LIGHT shines bright in the darkness
the soul receives rest.

May God grace this winter weekend with much needed rest for your soul, and may HE grant healing and peace for the people of Haiti, and for all nations who suffer loss.

On the mountain

2010-01-11T16:26:00.000-06:00

We meet God on the mountain and not just at the top.

The whole journey up and back down, we are in the presence of God.

Currently, I am at the foot of the mountain. Examining the path and wondering exactly how long it is going to take to reach the peak. There is no answer, because our timing is not HIS timing.

So, I stare.

I know what I should do, and what needs to be done, but...

This is where my ACTION resolution meets my weakness..I am great at starting things, not so great at finishing them. Actually, that is the enemy talking to me because I have finished things, like a half marathon..I trained for months and then completed the race...{smile}

Thank you for that memory.

Back to the mountain, the only way to ascend is to start walking, one step at a time, one prayer at a time.

And God has invited me to this mountain, to meet HIM there, why wouldn't I want to run up the mountain? Because climbing is hard and dirty and it takes energy and patience...man, I can complain alot...

So I stare.

Have you found yourself looking up a mountain, that God HIMSELF has invited you to climb, and instead of climbing just stood there? I say invited, because HE is a gentle God and HE awaits our answer to HIS call.

I am reading the OLD TESTAMENT and am currently in Exodus...I am relating to the Israelites, more than I would like to admit. I am at the mountain, and there is loud trumpets, lightning and thunder, and God is there to meet me...I am afraid. I will be changed even if I just stay at the foot of the mountain. The amount of change, will depend on how far I am willing to go up the mountain. But, wasn't I invited? So why am I scared of the change?

I have grown comfortable in my skin, too comfortable really. I need change. The problem is that I don't want to have to do the work. The enemy again.. as with all things, the first step is always the hardest..

On a side note, Bob's mom will start chemo tomorrow; three rounds and then surgery and then three more rounds...please keep her in your prayers as she has her own mountain to climb...

Pictures from a trip to Hawaii

The Red Sea

2010-01-08T15:33:00.000-06:00

God does not waste time when you step out in faith.

I was bold in naming this year, an idea I got from another traveler on this path of faith. Did not fully grasp that boldness until four days later.

The first Monday of this year, my mother-in-law was told she has cancer. As I am writing this, I am waiting to hear what kind, what stage, what process will be taken, and a whole bunch of other what's...ACTION in deed!

The eating healthy, exercise thing is so not happening, however the spiritual disciplines are in high gear!

Exodus 14:11-12, the Israelites were complaining to Moses about being led to the desert to die.."What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Leave us alone..." I am having the same feelings of late, God what are you doing to us? The financial situation,(okay that one is our own fault) the lack of church family and now this...really I ALMOST want to scream leave us alone, but I cannot for I know HIS ways are not my ways...

The very next verse in Exodus says.."Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today." ACTION in face of our fears is not always running back to the familiar, but STANDING FIRM in the unknown and watching for the deliverance that WILL come.

My Friends, I hope that if you find yourselves in a whirlwind of STUFF that you STAND FIRM and know that you know the LORD will part the Red Sea and make a path for you.

I am standing at the edge of the Sea and the enemy is approaching from behind at great speed but my eyes can see the wonders all around me. I know that I know the sea will part and I will walk through this, at my husband's side, and we will entire into the promise land the LORD has set aside for us. FREE by HIS grace!

New Year, I am thinking of calling it "ACTION"

2009-12-31T11:37:00.000-06:00

So, I have decided that I am a once a month writer...suits me really, I don't like sharing personal struggles everyday, it gets wearisome.

Not that everyday is a struggle, I guess I could write about blessings, ordinary things like smiles, leaves, snow, ice and such...actually I should write about those things...maybe a goal for the New Year :)

ACTION is a very powerful word. Directors of plays and movies use the word to command actors to motion. It is a verb that describe the doing, the doing of anything really. So, for this next year, I am going to do my best to start doing and stop complaining, stop waiting, and stop wanting change and make it happen with God's help!

Simple things really, not huge money making ideals, just ordinary life changes and using Daniel as my example...a set prayer time, better eating habits, prayers of thanksgiving instead of want or sorrow, watching for the Second Coming and avoiding modern day Babel. So much of this I have studied, yet have failed to do on a daily basis for long periods of time. My resolution is to make these practices into habits for a lifetime and to leave them as a legacy for my children and grandchildren (God willing).

ACTION is also being quite and letting God move as HE wills. Allowing myself to be molded and shaped in HIS hands. Following in HIS footsteps and live my HIS example. I heard it once that we can spend a lifetime praying, but until we step out into faith, we may never see the prayers answered...it takes ACTION, moving with God's timing...HE always answers with an ACTION, either to GO or to STAY, both ACTIONS, both causing us to do something, calling on strength that is not our own.

So, let's put the past behind us. Claim the gift that has been given, salvation, redemption, and forgiveness. Stand at the starting line and move into the life that God so wants us to claim, a life of freedom and fullness in HIM. A call to ACTION!

Blessing upon you and yours this NEW YEAR and won't you join me in the race of living!

Disconnected and yet...connected

2009-11-30T11:47:00.000-06:00

So, I barely made it through Thanksgiving, somehow I was able to hold it together, but barely...

I have felt so disconnected lately, walking an emotional tight wire...the slightest movement could, and sometimes would, cause a feeling of falling off the edge. Even though I was sometimes falling into darkness, there was someone, something, either holding on or ready to catch me...disconnected and yet not alone.

This was the second Thanksgiving in Minnesota, the first was right after my sister died...it felt like the first time, always checking my emotions, trying to keep the flood of tears from falling, trying to be thankful for the small things, which of course are never small considering the GIVER of such gifts...more checks of emotions..sigh..

The cloud has lifted yet again, praise be to HIM, the giver of ALL things!

I truly believe HE walks us through cloud banks just so we don't lose our sight...the tears cleanse and heal and we remember what to look for...the world gets our eyes dirty and we forget...the clouds come to cleanse..

Still feeling a little disconnected and yet not lost, still searching, but not in vain...looking to find my joy again...and it will come in the morning (mourning)!

Peace to my friends, and may this coming season find you searching for what the true gift is...Christ Jesus!

In Rememberance

2009-11-18T09:07:00.001-06:00

Today I remember my sister who made her journey HOME six years ago...

Julia is nine years older than me, yet I connected with her more than anyone else in my life...I miss her.

I remember, I cry, I laugh and always, I smile.

How do you describe someone who so etched your life. Like the branches of a tree, there are so many lines that connect to the trunk...the life giving source. Julia was connected and she connected so many people, me being one of them.

I was so interconnected with her, co-dependent really, that when she left for HOME I lost myself.

It has taken some time, but I am, the person God wants me to be, is awakening and branching out to connect and connect others to the life giving source of the everlasting tree of life, CHRIST JESUS.

So much she has taught me, still teaching me, in her words that were once spoken but still heard. My favorite is when I was having a pity party and lamenting to her over the phone, and all she could say was how excited she was for me; I thought she was crazy and asked if she just heard what I had said...her response.."I am so excited because God is so in your face right now and bringing you closer to HIM!!" Even today, I hear those words when life has me down and out...life giving words from someone who knew.

I cry, I smile, I get reconnected.

Dear Abba Father, keep me connected and allow me to connect others to you, the tree of life.

I love you Julia, thank you.

Pictures from my living room window and the "dancing tree" down the road...

2009-11-09T09:27:00.000-06:00

The sun is shining, the air is crisp and I am looking for reassurance in our journey here.

This year has been a long one. Decisions made, hearts broken, and spirits tested..yet in all of this our faith has grown by leaps and bounds and our marriage has reached new heights. God's ways are so not the way of this world.

Eyes that have been shut are starting to see anew. Beauty out of the ashes, we are rising to new life.

The future is yet known, but the road looks promising. God is good, always.

With the green of summer gone, so much more can be seen. Beauty that you had no idea was hiding. Treasures not yet discovered, paths that were hidden, are now asking to be taken and explored. It is amazing how the change in seasons can change ones perspective if you only open your eyes and look.

Peace be to you today and you find new paths that have been hidden and God put new lens in your eyes so that you may see new treasures to behold.

2009-11-06T08:53:00.000-06:00

Wow, it has been awhile! I have been keeping things to myself, not always a good thing; old defenses really, bad habits that are hard to break. Staying quite also saves us from exposing our soft spots, our tender underbellies..saves our hearts from being even more broken. Writing our thoughts makes them real and exposed, but to be healed the dark has to be exposed to the Light of TRUTH.

The seasons have changed here and it has been a wonderful experience. The trees have changed colors and have lost their leaves. The world is slowing and going into a much needed rest. The orange and gold of the leaves reminded me of crowns of glory given to servants who have been faithful..Well done good and faithful servants!! The falling leaves are seeds being planted for yet another harvest...but now rest, rest in Me for your work is done, for now.

HE has been working in me as well, and yet I have kept it to myself, the stripping away of my leaves has not been as beautiful. The quietness has not been a refreshing retreat, but a journey to the deeper levels of my sin and unfaithfulness. Yet, I am now anticipating the snow, the stillness and the peace. For the dark as been exposed to the LIGHT and healing has begun.

I am a sinner in need of God's grace.

I am blessed to be called a child of God.

I am saved by the blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ.

I am a sinner in need of God's grace.

This year has tested me and my husband and oh how we have grown in the Lord, separately and together...God is good at all times, even when we have forgotten.

Rest and peace be to you this season of change, and watch for the crowns of glory all around you, good and faithful servants.

The unexpected in the everyday

2009-08-24T08:59:00.000-05:00

I am not a writer, have never claimed to be, and yet I am being asked to journal my thoughts. Not in a journal for my eyes only, but for who God chooses.

So I write.

My days have been up and down, nothing spectacular. Little issues add up and I fall down on my knees as if the world is falling apart. Then I am reminded that HE is there in the little things and I have just forgotten to seek HIM there each time.

What I so habitually put into the ordinary parts of life, GOD makes them extraordinary. The way a child looks with wonder as a leaf blows and twirls with the wind. The beauty of a sunrise, and sunset. The clanging of the flag pole in the wind, sweet music if you listen with child like ears. And yet, we wake with worry and regret on our heart and minds instead of thankfulness at another chance to bring GOD's love into our hearts and begin a new relationship with HIM.

I am speaking for myself of course. My focus has been on what I do not have and this morning I have be overwhelmed with the beauty of what I do have. The beauty of life gets lost when I focus on the what the world has to offer me; or not offer me for that matter.

I was reminded that only true happiness, and contentment comes from the ONE who has created everything.

Today, I will look for the unexpected in the everyday and find my joy in HIM who is hidden in the ordinary, as long as I remember to see with the eyes of a child.

walking in darkness

2009-08-08T20:07:00.000-05:00

I watched an episode of Touched by an Angel the other night, the one where Tess gets Alzheimer's, and it was able to put to words what I am feeling...

At the end of the show,Tess comes out of the fog and is herself again but the last words she speaks are to an elderly woman who suffers the same thing..."though you are walking in darkness, your soul knows HIS voice and there is light at the end of this tunnel, I speak to your soul...keep listening to HIS voice, HE is always there."

I currently feel like I am in a tunnel, not sure where God is leading me, trying to be still and listen and at the same time, keep moving forward toward the light that I know is there at the end.

We went to the North Shore of Lake Superior for some much needed time away. I was hoping for a complete renewal of spirit when we returned, however the result was less than what I had hoped for. I am still tired, physically, emotionally and am needing some serious spiritual uplifting! This must be the dark night of the soul, should really finish that book...

However, my soul knows that God has not left me or forsaken me!! He is in the clouds; always a pillar before me, leading the way.

So my friends, if you feel like you are in the dark, know the storm will pass and life begins anew and fresh in the morning sun!

Spoken

2009-07-23T09:55:00.000-05:00

Have you ever caught yourself speaking to yourself? Of course you have!

This morning was no acception. I was in serious conversation, not aloud, but with my heart, my very being, coming to terms with my unsettledness of spirit. Why am I feeling this way? How do I change it? Wishing for my spiritual journeyman(women) that have been with me for so long...they would let me rant, then gently turn me back to the One who actually could and would make things better.

Then the question came, why not just turn to ME now? AM I not the ONE who can and will bring peace and rest?

I was still missing the human contact, but no longer felt alone. I began to think about prisoners, outcast, people who truly are alone and HE is still there with them...so why do I feel the need for more than just HIM?

This is where we all fall short and fall fast. We have allowed our society to shape us into thinking that we need to fill the void when we find ourselves lonely or alone with people, things...idols really. When the spoken word of GOD is food, drink, and companionship for our souls.

HE created nature to appeal to our senses, bring us into communion with HIM. HE created music to soothe our weary bones with the softness of HIS touch.

I have forgotten. So will you join me on a walk today, listening to HIS music of birds, feeling HIS touch with the wind, seeing HIS face in another person and remember what HE has spoken...

"Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around...See things from HIS perspective." Col.3:1-2 The Message

Peace to you!

Moving On

2009-07-11T09:44:00.000-05:00

Life has been about the same; unpacking boxes, visiting with family, trying to have fun and feel normal in between.

There are moments of sadness though has you find yourself settling into your new surroundings; moments of remembrance of what once was.

This moments are happening more often now and I am catching myself longing for the familiar past and yet still wanting to look forward to what is next...emotions are strange things. So I sit and let a tear or two run down my cheek and pray for those whose lives have so dramatically been changed by the lost of life partners, children, siblings and friends...how "moving on" must be so much harder for them.

I give to HIM what I cannot fix and what I do not understand; and I sit with HIM and watch and wait...and let the smiles and tears join together in remembrance and hope, knowing that all is well when I sit with HIM.

To all my friends in Texas, I miss you terribly!! I know, that I know there is a place for me here and it will not be long before it is revealed...so please stay in prayer with me, I am very excited as to what the good Lord has planned!

Home

2009-07-02T13:58:00.000-05:00

What a funny word, HOME, there are so many little sayings that go with it. I have been pondering what home is for a few days and have some thoughts I would like to share.

First, though I would like to say Hi, it has been a while since I sat and wrote. Too many boxes to unpack, but I am making head way and this house is beginning to feel like a home.

So back to my little blog on the word "home"....

When I think of "home", I think of my hometown where my parents still live and then I think of Texas. Places that are familiar to me. The saying, "home is where the heart is", brings great comfort to me, especially when I don't feel like I am in a familiar place. My heart's home is with God and He is everywhere I am! This makes facing changes so much more bearable and enjoyable...He will be there to greet me and surprise me!

I have had a great many surprises already during the last three weeks of this move, small little miracles that bring peace to a whirlwind of activity. I am trying to teach this to my children, though they don't always see it the way I am trying to teach them...but it will come and they are finding comfort in the familiar as we unpack boxes and toys are found and old ones instantly become long lost loved treasures.

The husband was able to come home to the smells of supper cooking and remarked that is was starting to smell like a home...a familiar smell brings joy and comfort. Cooking and cleaning bring a strange comfort to me as well, making a house a home...a place of rest and renewing.

We can find all of this with God if you spend some time with HIM. He promises to bring rest to the weary, food to the hungry, and to renew a right spirit within us! The joy and peace comes from the quite moments spent in reflection and prayer. If you find yourself far from home, stop and sit and listen to the small voice calling you homeward, you will find your true home; a home that is never farther then the words..Father, hear me!!

This Texan is finding that a different state is not all that different as long as I have my heart centered on its true home! ( of course it is still summer time!) My prayer for you is that you are able to find your true home and that it is never far from you.

Have a wonderful weekend, and remember Freedom is not free; Jesus died for your eternal freedom and many young men and women have died for your mortal freedoms!

God bless America and America bless God!

This day, rejoice!

2009-06-10T06:55:00.000-05:00

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24

Some words are so common to us that we forget how much power there is in them. Take for instance the above verse from Psalm 118, how many times have you heard this verse and agreed or have said, "Yea, whatever, not really rejoicing today!" WE all do this, but I have found if you take one verse and really meditate on it, new and deeper meaning comes to light.

Psalm 118 is all about rejoicing in God's unchanging love, unchanging in not something that is happening today...lots of changes everywhere...but God is unchanging...He is the same as the beginning, now and forever more!

I have recently been meditating on this verse for various reasons, and recently took out a few words and it totally changed my perspective: THIS day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad...WoW...a little emphasis on certain words changes everything, to me anyway. Now, no matter what the day holds, THIS day, I can rejoice and be glad because God made it, He is in it, around it and HE will carry me through it!!

Also, try saying it out loud...you might just be surprised as to the state of your heart! I have done this many times with passages, but once I was so convicted that I now make it a practice, especially on low days.

The passage that convicted me was 1Corinthians 13:4, you know the one...Love is patient, love is kind... Well, that particular day I was not feeling it and when I was reading the passage I was prompted by the Spirit to read it aloud...luckily I was alone, because my attitude came out in my tone...OUCH! I was saying the words, but so not living the words...and that is the point!!

So, rejoice and be glad for This is the day that the LORD has made, no matter what it may bring find JOY in HIM today!

I will practicing this all day....It is moving day!

Whispers in the wind

2009-06-08T21:25:00.000-05:00

Today was a better day, thank goodness for New Mercies every morning!!

The wind has been blowing all day, a gentle breeze really...nice in Texas when temps are already reaching in the mid nineties. But there was something special about the breeze today...

Today, as I closed by eyes and was present in the moment, the breeze came across my face and I heard a whisper...very soft and faint; you had to really be present to hear it...it said "I am here, find rest in me." At that moment, the breeze blowing, the birds singing, the earth quite...I heard the whisper and I rested.

I hope that you find rest in the ONE who says that HIS yoke is light; rest from the ONE who gives it to the weary and down trodden...stop for a moment and be present and listen for the whisper on the wind, and find REST IN HIM, Christ Jesus!

Blessing to you and yours this peaceful summer evening.

A lesson for myself

2009-06-07T11:33:00.000-05:00

Well, it is Sunday morning...coffee, nice breeze, birds singing and sunshine...

We were originally going to be on the road this morning, but as life would have it, things change and schedules are adjusted and I have been given a beautiful Sunday morning to relax!

There are those whose cannot, do not, and sometimes just refuse to "go with the flow", and become angry in the delays or interruptions. I do feel sorry for these people, as I was once one of them...I missed so many blessings being angry and frustrated!

Take for instance, when you are trying to get somewhere in a hurry and you continue to make wrong turns, detours or delays..instead of being upset, I thank God for saving me from something that was perhaps not the best for me...it takes practice..but eventually the blessings are so easy to see and enjoy; and it is much healthier for you too!

This is a two part post...this is what happened shortly after writing the above:

We received a call to show the house between 2-4 at noon...all fine and good...house was clean just needed to be picked up.

One child went to the neighbors, husband took the other to swim and I took the dogs and boat which was okay until I allowed "myself" to start thinking about "me"...Satan's favorite time to attack!!

It was hot, I was tired and it seemed like nobody cared about "me" except me...first mistake! Kinda started a pity party...four o'clock came and I went home, received another call ...the people for the first showing did not come and now wanted to come at 5:00....I was angry to say the least...ya know the kind of angry where all you can do is cry, that was were I was!! So now back into the truck with the dogs and pulling the boat, said a few words to the husband that should not have been said and realized I was on the previously mentioned field trip...yikes!!

Why is it that when we feel the most "spiritual", like this morning when I began this post, we get sidelined? Paul wrote to the Romans: I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it, I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. But there is GOOD NEWS!! With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Romans 7:17-20 If it were not for the saving GRACE of Jesus Christ, I still might be angry, fighting with my husband and just a mess...as it is, I have a slight headache and a knowledge that I am still learning; and I did to keep practicing what I preach!!

Tomorrow is another day and God willing, a new chance to do better and become more like His son Jesus Christ!!

May the peace of the Lord be with you all!!

More background stuff...

2009-06-05T13:23:00.000-05:00

I feel like I am not flowing very well with my thoughts, but I feel like I am trying to catch you up on so much stuff....so bare with me!

Miracles...people don't seem to think they happen any more or that we create are own...I totally disagree with both ideas. Miracles happen everyday, you just need to looking and listening for them...which means you need to be in a relationship with the ONE who is the MIRACLE WORKER..JESUS! I just might have lost a few readers with that sentence, but I truly hope you stick around....

My miracles:
New House: heated floors (remember I am a Texan who is always barefoot); dog shower in laundry room..we have two large dogs who love the water; space for an apartment either in detached garage or in the basement for when Bob's mom is ready; fixtures and electronic equipment that we picked out for the house we built in Texas already in place in the new house

I know some of you are saying, okay so what is the big deal...little gifts from God are miracles and in each room of this house there was a little gift...HIS fingerprints were every where!!

Teenage step daughter: totally hates the idea that we are moving (she is staying with her mom to finish out her senior year); miracle is that this has opened new levels of communication not only with her, but also between my husband and myself...lessons in faith and trust are a plenty!!

Friends: some are in disagreement, some are supportive; however it has caused me to look to Jesus more than man/woman for approval...in today's world that equals a miracle!!

God's ways are not our ways: He has given me eyes to see HIS way in a much clearer view! I really do love my new eyes!! Though, there are times I would prefer the straight upfront route..but then not everyone who is suppose to be blessed would be...so more eye check ups to come!

Quite Peace: this is my biggest miracle...really I have been at peace about so many things and assured that the decisions made have been right and best...when you are in a true, life transforming relationship with GOD the quite peace is sometimes to much to take in...it truly is emotionally overpowering, in a good way! I pray that you experience this, especially in today's world which is so unsettling!

May the Peace of Lord be with you today and always!

The Decision to Move

2009-06-04T14:34:00.001-05:00

So I guess I should back up a bit and give a little more information about the big move...

It all started when I married a man from Minnesota, who happened to be living in Texas...at the time his two children were six and three, so he was not leaving any time soon...time has passed however and those children are now twenty and seventeen! Thus the move back home to Minnesota; and my story begins..

I will try to not bore you with the "moving" details, only those that have transformed the ordinary into divine learning. And I will try not to get up on the soap box that has a tendency to find itself under my feet!

The first lesson is that once you say "yes" to a prompting from God, be ready ... He moves fast...my loving husband announced he was ready to move back to Minnesota in mid January and the house was on the market February 1; found a new home by the end of February; and am now moving 2 days after school lets out....Did I mention the house has not sold yet?

I feel like an Israelite when Moses said we are leaving and the next thing they were crossing the Red Sea...the Red River in my case! It took alot of trust and knowing God was in front leading the way...my trust meter has been running on overtime lately and I have found great peace in reading the Exodus...So I am trusting, believing and expecting great things in the next few weeks...stay tune and I will let ya know the miracles that occur!

If we are willing and open, lives little adventures turn into spiritual transformations and the world has become your classroom..."remember to pay attention in the classroom, because some field trips are just not ones we want to go on!"-Beth Moore

The Begining of an Adventure

2009-06-04T09:11:00.000-05:00

Well, here goes, my first blog attempt! I am doing this as a spiritual discipline, like journaling but on a computer :) Hence the title of the blog..Transforming Texan...

I am a native, generational Texan who is moving to Minnesota....talk about a spiritual journey!

So, this move has sparked a desire to write about the changes, challenges, blessings and down right miracles that are occurring and will occur... so please stay tuned.

I do not consider myself a writer, so this is a stretch for me; but aren't most spiritual journeys? Stretching is how we learn, heal and eventually grow into more of who God wants us to become.

Please enjoy and maybe, just maybe, you will join me in my strecthing exercises and grow a little with me.